We talk about relationship milestones all the time—from the first date to the first kiss; from the third date to the invite up to the house; from the first moments of intimacy to the first declaration of exclusivity. One relationship, no matter how brief it may be, is filled with a lifetime of milestones, both great and small. And it doesn’t matter if you give it a name or decide to just let it pan out organically. The truth is, the theory of evolution can be implied to everything in this world—living and non-living; material or abstract. Then, a relationship is still a series of sequenced progressions, however disparate the frequency of that sequence may be. And so, by that rule, every relationship—even the most casual ones—evolves to more than what it started out to be.
Here are the signs you need to look for to know when your relationship with someone is turning out to be serious. And while there are so many such minute signs that keep aligning the two of you, in some way or the other, these are some of the more prominent ones that become easier to resonate with.
1. You Share Your Dreams & Aspirations
Our dreams are important to us and more often than not, we tend to not share them with everyone for the simple reason that not everyone gets it. When you’re with this person, however, you can’t help but talk about what you dream of doing and who you aspire to be. It’s a constant question and answer and it keeps going back and forth.
2. You Talk About The Past
History is a fascinating subject; but, only when it’s someone else’s. Almost no one likes to hark back to their own pasts because it digs up a lot of skeletons we hoped to have buried for good. And digging up the buried is more of an act of denial than it is fear. It rakes up bad memories we hoped never to feel ever again. But, somehow, this person makes it feel alright to revisit the past in a means to analyze and learn from it. And you both do it together because with each buried memory you learn about what made you who you are today. And that’s important to reason with when it comes to understanding why you are with each other in the present moment.
3. You Express Yourself Freely & Deeply
This isn’t just about the way you feel about and for each other. It’s much more. It’s about expressing openly how you feel about everything under the sun and beyond the horizon. You want to openly express to this one person how you feel about how others make you feel, on a daily basis. You want this person to know how and why you ponder over a higher consciousness or about the meaning of spirituality and how sometimes people just don’t get it. You discuss feelings about things and people that no one else would ever seem to get anyway. But, somehow, with this one person, it makes sense.
4. You Make Future Plans
Not plans about the weekends, or even plans about starting a family together; those are two extremes. And while you do venture in to those territories, you’re also planning a trip 3 months down the line from the present moment. You plan about attending a certain festival together another year down the line, or whenever else it may happen. Together, you’re somehow giving each other a surety, quite subconsciously so, that you’re here to stay, come what may.
5. You Talk About Your Childhoods
You seem to know everything about each other’s childhoods by now—from how you were a fat kid when you were growing up to how they had their first bicycle ride; from how you hated school to how they practically lived out of a kitchen as a kid. Somehow, your stories from your childhoods have brought you closer to one another, somehow, you seem to get it—every story, every incident, every tragedy and every cataclysm.
6. You Know About Your Families
The two of you know and understand too well that your families just don’t get you. But, wait. There’s more. It’s more than knowing about the family tree; although that is something you can vaguely put together about each other, as well. It’s about that one cousin you had the hots for; it’s about that one relative no one talks to anymore. It’s about those people you don’t consider family and those people who are your only link to family. It’s about how your families have shaped your upbringing—right from your forefathers to your fathers. It’s about how a certain trait is like your mother’s and a certain other quirk is like their father’s. It’s about how you are exactly like both your parents in some ways and absolutely poles apart from them in so many other ways.
7. You Open Up About Hardships
You’ve opened up to this person about some of the lowest moments in your life and how it affected you as a person. You’ve shown this person what it had been like to be you on the darkest night of your life. And this person has shown you what it was like feel like they were so lost they didn’t even recognize themselves anymore. You’ve held mirrors up to each other and canvases too, for them to paint on about the moments and hardships that they can no longer describe.
8. You’ve Seen Their Bad Side
You know their habits, their reactions, their fears and their denials. In fact, you’ve seen each other battle through them all, fight through it all and, along the way, show you a side no one else have ever seen—the ugly side. It’s more than just waking up with morning breath, or opening up the wounds that have scarred you. It’s about letting this person familiarize themselves with your demons and you with theirs. You’ve seen each other’s demons, understood they are as much a part of you as the others and have learned to make amends and peace with these demons. You may not know how to tame each other’s demons; but, you know well enough now, to let them come out when they need to.
9. You Match Your Financial Habits
You may not yet be in a place where you know each other’s investments, or financial blunders that have put money matters at stake. But, you both know each other’s views on money—how important it is to each of you, what are the things, or experiences you would prefer to spend money on, whether you prefer to splurge your money, or invest it over a period of time. You know each other’s money habits, you know each other’s spending budgets when you’re out. You know how the other person treats their money and they know the same about you. And somehow, you match each other.
10. You Discuss Marriage Openly
You may not be open to discussing where the two of you stand on the concept, for each other. But, you know what you feel about it—as an institution, a way of life and as a relationship milestone. You know about how the other person feels about the idea of it; whether or not you see each other going down that road or not and whether or not it would be out of sheer love, or for reasons that have nothing to do with love, at all… That’s left to be seen. But, what the two of you definitely see in the moment is that both of you talk about it openly, simply because you want to understand and resonate with each other better.
Basically, through all the trials and struggles that both of you face together, on a daily basis, more than anything else, there is a deeper sense of resonance. And whether or not it stands the tests of time, or passes over like a season, in that phase of your lives, it will be the realest thing you ever dedicate yourself to. And you will want it to last.